（2010－8－2 JINGWA 晚上）
I always remind myself: I am from The United Kingdom of Muse.
My passport is my poetry. My husband is literature, and my kids are the books I have written. You don’t know how deeply I love myself! Every time I look at the mirror, she smiles with strong self-confidence, then, leaves home to go to work. I get back from work, look at the same mirror again. She smiles again, so life is peaceful.
I never live in disorder, or having disorderly relationship with other people, but Sartre says: "hell is other people".
I don’t compare myself with anyone, because no one is better than me, and no one is worse than me.
I respect my job so i try to dress up every morning for my colleagues and my beloved Hemingway, Kafka, Virginia Woolf.....
I speak Chinese, but i am not a Chinese; i speak English, i am not an English either.
Thoreau teaches me "life is so dear"; Hemingway teaches me "every day is a new day"; Borges teaches me "heaven looks like a library"; and Kafka teaches me "the world is absurd".
I am not a good animal.
Now I understand why I am not able to live better in other spaces. Sartre doesn't say that I shouldn't sit down to observe a stone see how hot or cold it would be during the day and night. Time always changes our visions for the differences. Your fingers will feel the changing from yourself and other people. When other people have relationship with you and never change any timeline of you, other people should not be considered as “hell”. Otherwise, other people must have misunderstanding of time and space to analyze how good or bad you are in this field. Good and bad are the religious words not usually used for the philosophical thoughts. Yet, it is a standard of morality and esthetics.
Sartre also doesn't say that you shouldn't touch the water like a dragonfly does, just lightly touch it for satisfying your curiousness of the differences between you and other people. Here, you have to change your own timeline and space for other people even though you just lightly to do it. And other people negatively or positively to do the same thing for you. Unfortunately, other people could be you at times but you’ve never known about the changing. You and other people have a nice relationship with each other on the same timeline, so no one is “hell” now. However, the more the “same” between you and other people, the more the differences between you and yourself. Until you discovering of the difference appears, the “sameness” begins to change into difference. You and other people, standing on the different timeline and space, like going back to the beginning. But, it does not mean the beginning or ending for the first touching, just lightly like a dragonfly. Our focus is on the changing that you block other people’s way in which they are not able to see the road clearly, and other people block your way so that you can’t see your future clearly. You are the “other people”, you are the “hell’ of other people. And certainly, hell is other people as well.
A relationship, of course, could be possibly and safely staying on the timeline and space without changing of the sameness and difference. It depends on what kind of relationship between you and “other people”. Since other people always change your timeline and space like you change yourself and other people.
Thus, Sartre doesn't say we shouldn't do those things whatever good or bad, but he says that who blocks your way, who is the “other people”, and “hell is other people”.
I told poet Yun Bao that I would write a long poem for life: Let Me Die. The poet said, I shouldn't die by myself. Let’s Die Together. I said ok let’s die together. We will write two same titled poems tonight. The title is very heroic. Let’s Die Together will be written for all artists who have strong belief for arts, for all lovers who are not able to get together for love, and all ultimate concerns for life.
I wrote The Northernmost North on June 9th. I went to de Young on June 26th.
I was thinking about how to use the lightest strength of life perfectly on June 9th. I saw an impressionism painting and found my answer for the lightest strength was on June 26th.
I planed to write the second poem about the lightest strength of life at the end of July, I found “On the Way Home”, Mary’s watercolor on July 20th. It strongly presents the lightest strength of life and death. Time changes my objects. The changing of things seem always come earlier than the planning. But, I can’t stop to think about the lightness, the changing of an object, and the strength from an object how to make our life so different.
You first time told me, you were the only one in the forest; you second time told me, you were not the only one in the forest; you the third time told me you were thinking how to be the only one in the forest and led yourself and me went back to the first time we had met. The first had gone already. So, I asked myself, where is the northernmost north? Is it close to you, or far from me? “The first and the last ones had gone. We are neither the first nor the last ones right now. Where we are? In our body clock, what time we are?
“I am always conceived that the other world is mine”
I am the one who never like to write love stories if no one forces me to make one.
I remember that she mentioned: “I am not here”.
I understand that he was sad and happy to be: “Mr. Past being no friends of mine.”
Then he had an idea: “My framework is broken. I am coming to an end.”
It needs a ruler to measure how far between the ending and beginning of you and me.
I got drunk this afternoon by a wind blowing.
I would rather to be a brave loser than a weak winner to win you.
I seriously have nothing to contact with the other world without me.