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生命禅院
·走上帝的"道"--旷世奇书《生命禅院》序/仙鹤草
【新时代人类八百理念】
·新时代人类八百理念
·Lifechanyuan Era
·Note
·Prologue
·Home without marriage and family
·The Greatest Creator and the Way of the Greatest Creator
·The Teachings of Jesus Christ
·Buddha and the Way of Buddha
·The Road to Celestial Being
·Tao
·The Time and Space of the Universe
·Life
·LIFE
·Love and Sexual Love
·Family
·Chanyuan Celestial
·Heaven
·Self-improving and self-refining
·Soul garden
·Consciousness, Structure, and Energy
·Other Ideas
【Chanyuan】
·The Differences between Traditional Family and Chanyuan Family
·Invitation of Lifechanyuan
·Lifechanyuan Overview
·Lifechanyuan
·Let Lifechanyuan Be Known to the World
·Festivals of Lifechanyuan
·No church or temple in Lifechanyuan
·Life is One Kind of Nonmaterial Structure Having Spirituality.
·The funeral system of Lifechanyuan
·Lifechanyuan’s standpoint on homosexuality
·Lifechanyuan's attitudes toward the bourgeoisie
·New Year's Thinking Proposed by Lifechanyuan
·The opening remarks of Lifechanyuan
·Preface of Lifechanyuan Values
·Lifechanyuan doesn't celebrate any people's birthday
·Lifechanyuan is not an organization
·The symbol of Lifechanyuan era
·Lifechanyuan Is the Wonderland for Resonant Souls
·FAQs Concerning Lifechanyuan
·Lifechanyuan addressing on The New Year’s Day
·How to get along with each other in Lifechanyuan
·What Is the Destiny for the Boat of Lifechanyuan
·Confessions of Lifechanyuan
·You will have everything when you keep Lifechanyuan values
·Love is a Precious Gift That the Greatest Creator Bestows to Human Bei
·Lifechanyuan's View Point on Love and Sex
·Lifechanyuan's View Point on Love and Sex
·An Introduction to the New Life of Human Beings-Home without Marriage
·Ideas on the Material Life Standards of the Second Home
·Viewing the human society mode of life in the future from the prospect
·Build a Spiritual and Physical Homeland
·Bring Joy and Happiness to Others and Society
·Laziness is a big enemy of Home without Marriage and Family
·Replication of the Ten-Thousand-Year Life
·Comprehensively absorb new era values
·No Oppressing and Exploitation in Heaven
·The No. 1 home in the world
·We are the globalists-to "Heartease (Xinpingqihe)"
·Utopia and the Home without marriage and Family
·How Should We Establish the Peaceful and Warm Homeland?
·The Pioneers of the New Era, Please Come Close to Lifechanyuan!
·The Noah's ark in new era
·Home for soul and kingdom for freedom
·Create an Environment for Open Dialogues
·In the scope of government management
·To those who wish to be Chanyuan celestial
·Another Notice for the application of Chanyuan celestial
·Notice for who wants to apply for Chanyuan- celestial
·More thoughts on how to apply to Lifechanyuan
·Beautiful Scenery in Lifechanyuan
·The Practicing of Dao from the Perspective of Lifechanyuan's Current S
·A Century's Dreadful Earthquakes and Jesus' Revelation
·Revelation
·18 traditional values subverted by Lifechanyuan
·The Eighteen Bottom-Lines to Be A Human
·The standards of a pure and beautiful soul
·Make the Best Use of Everything
·Rather die than swallow one's words
·No debts between Chanyuan-Celestial
·The Psychological Qualities to Be Chanyuan Celestial
·This is the life of Chanyuan Celestial
·8 attainments to be Chanyuan Celestial
·Pray for Chanyuan Celestials
·Chanyuan Celestial
·80 FAQs concerning The Home without marriage and Family (1)
·80 FAQs concerning The Home without marriage and Family (2)
·80 FAQs concerning the Home without marriage and Family (3)
·80 FAQs concerning The Home without marriage and Family (4)
·Walk to the Lifechanyuan era
·Join your talent and wisdom into the creating of Lifechanyuan era
·40 Passes from Human to Chanyuan Celestial
·The Practicing of Dao from the Perspective of Lifechanyuan's Current S
·A Century's Dreadful Earthquakes and Jesus' Revelation
·The song of the universe ---on Lifechanyuan era (1)
·Countries will disappear: On Lifechanyuan era 2
·Religion will disappear: On Lifechanyuan era (3)
·Political parties will disappear: On Lifechanyuan era (4)
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千万千万不要试图改变别人/雪峰

   千万千万不要试图改变别人/雪峰

   

   

   

    世上最复杂最令人头痛的关系是夫妻关系,最令人悲伤最令人失望的关系也是夫妻关系,最使人向往又最让人绝望的关系更是夫妻关系,这个关系软不得硬不得,远不得近不得,强不得弱不得,逃不得亲不得,如丝如缕如火如冰,缠不清搅不明,说不清道不明。

   

    夫妻关系,以喜剧开始,以悲剧结束,不要认为古今中外世上有多少青梅竹马百年好合的美满夫妻,那是各种因素制约所不得不装出来的表象,婚姻夫妻的本质是悲剧。

   

    悲剧的主要渊薮不是金钱贫富的问题,不是地位荣华的问题,不是父母子女牵扯的问题,更不是“小三”的问题和情性的问题,而是夫妻双方试图按照自己的价值观和意愿改变对方的问题。

   

    妻子总是想按照自己的价值观和意愿改变丈夫,丈夫总是想把自己的价值观和意愿加给妻子,结果呢?最后没有一个丈夫改变得了妻子,没有一个妻子能改变得了丈夫,所谓改变了,那只是考虑到各种因素后暂时的妥协或压抑。

   

    想改变他人,就是悲剧的开端。

   

    试问天下做过或正在做丈夫妻子的人,你改变了对方吗?你越想改变对方,夫妻关系将越糟糕,是不是?

   

    为什么说想改变他人就是悲剧的开端?

   

    “江山易改,本性难移,”想改其本性是痛苦的,改的人痛苦,被改的人更痛苦。想把老鼠改成猫,想把猫改成狗,想把狗改成人,想把他人改造成另一个自己,都是艰难的,都是痛苦的,都是逆天而行的。

   

    此外,每个人由于前世前前世的因缘和合有自己特定的人生和生命轨迹,这是剧本情节,更是他自己的命,我们想改变别人,等于是在改变他人的人生和生命轨迹,等于是在与道抗衡,结果可想而知,最终必然是徒劳的,是悲剧。

   

    利益攸关情爱缠绵的夫妻互相改变不了对方,其他人际关系就更加改变不了对方,父母想改变子女,子女想改变父母,朋友同事邻里乡亲想改变别人,都将以悲剧结束。

   

    神耶稣,佛释迦牟尼,仙老子教诲无数,他们并没有试图去改变谁,只是在谈说道理而已,只是在指点迷津而已,只有魔鬼和魔鬼的子孙才想把自己的意志和意愿强加给他人。

   

    人与人之间相处,千万千万不要试图去改变别人,不要做吃力不讨好的事,不要做鸡蛋碰石头的事,不要给自己和他人制造悲剧,尤其是夫妻之间,父母子女之间,朋友情人之间,师父弟子之间,老师学生之间,最佳的对待方式是:我尊重你的意愿,我尊重你的选择,我尊重你的爱好,我尊重你的性格,谈得来,咱们就一起开心快乐地相处,谈不拢,咱们各行其是,万一观点差别太大,好合好散,分道而行。

   

    不要试图去改变除自己以外的任何生命,当然包括人。

   

    关系越亲密的人之间,越要相互尊重对方的意愿和性格,千万千万不要试图用自己的价值观人生观去改变对方,更不要试图把自己的意愿和意志强加于对方,否则,再好的关系也会逐渐疏远最终会分道扬镳各奔东西的。

   

    我们怎么证明自己就是正确的呢?无法证明。“祸兮福所倚,福兮祸所伏,”即使别人遭遇了“祸”,我们怎能知晓这“祸”蕴含着什么意义和价值呢?怎能知晓这“祸”对别人不是“福”呢?

   

    结论是:不要去改变或改造对方,忍受不了,就改变自己。如此,就不会制造悲剧;如此,关系或许会更亲密;如此,就海阔天空;如此,就是仙的风采了。

   

   

   

    2011/3/5

(2012/02/05 发表)

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